


Avengers Movie Night

by ariadneowl



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Inspired By Tumblr, M/M, could be read as gen?, reference to a certain political figure, so don't read it you're really hurting right now, written pre-election
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 07:36:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8524207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariadneowl/pseuds/ariadneowl
Summary: Captain America's Super Soldier Serum is a bit closer to the Hulk's than the other Avengers realize.





	

**Author's Note:**

> : This is a lot less funny in light of current events. I wrote it a couple months ago and forgot about it, and have not edited it since. So…sorry about that. In addition, I tried to have this be from Tony’s POV; for that reason, Steve is only addressed by name by Bucky, and Bucky is only addressed by name by Steve.

Tonight, it was Tony’s turn to pick the film for the weekly Avengers Movie Night (attendance mandatory, popcorn and poptarts provided). He looked around the darkened room and frowned when he noticed Captain America and Barnes curled up on the couch together. They were obviously more interested in each other than the movie. Cap was half-asleep and draped with a blanket, his head resting in the lap of the former Winter Soldier. He was about to yell at him to wake up and appreciate the cinematic masterpiece Spaceballs when he heard a soft pop, as if air was rushing in to fill a vacuum, and saw Cap disappear right before his eyes. Upon hearing Tony gasp in shock, the rest of the Avengers turned to look, and saw an empty space where their teammate use to be. Natalia pulled a gun out from between the seat cushions, Thor hefted Milnor, Bruce began to turn green, and Clint leapt up and pulled a loaded compound bow out of the ceiling vent above them. As they prepared to battle the unknown threat in their own home, Barnes put a finger to his lips and peeled back the blanket, revealing a tiny pre-serum Cap underneath. While the rest of the Avengers looked on in horror, he gave a tired smile and spoke.  
“We probably shoulda told you before this, but Bruce, your formula wasn’t as off as you think it was. Steve sorta Hulks out too, he’s just in control of his other self.”  
Tony spluttered. “Do you mean to tell me that Captain America has a reverse “Other Guy”? Why does he get tiny instead of bigger? How is that even possible? We’ve never seen him small like that before!”  
“Actually,” said Barnes, as if the answer should have been obvious, “Captain America is the Other Guy. You’ve never seen Steve small before because he is always angry. Always has been. The serum just gave him a body that won’t give out on him when he’s spoiling for a fight, which is all the time, except when he’s sleeping.”  
Tony glared at him. The whole ‘killed your parents’ thing went pretty far in destroying any trust he might have had in the former Winter Soldier, and it was hard to sympathize with the guy who made him an orphan, regardless of any shared experiences. “How do we know you’re telling the truth and this isn’t some Hydra plot to de-serum him?”  
Barnes smirked. “I’ll prove it to you. I’ll just bring Captain America back.”  
Before the other Avengers could say anything, he shook Cap’s shoulder and said, “Steve. Donald Trump for President.”  
There was a loud whooshing noise, then the Captain America that everyone knew was back, as big as ever. He leapt to his feet and threw off the blanket, shouting, “That son-of-a-bitch! I died to keep people like him out of power and you people want to elect him just because of a decades long smear-campaign run by those damn Republicans against his opponent just because she’s a woman in power and they can’t handle it and—”  
Barnes put his hand over Cap’s mouth. “Shhhhhhh, Stevie. He won’t win. And if he does, I’ll take care of him for you.”  
The Avengers looked in horror at the former Winter Soldier as he casually promised to assassinate another U. S. president…  
“Thanks, Bucky,” said Cap, “I know I can always count on you.”  
…and then they looked in horror at Captain America as he agreed.  
Bucky pulled the blanket back over him. “Shhhhhh, Stevie love. Go back to sleep.” He kissed his forehead, then stroked his hair. A couple of minutes later, small Steve was back.  
Tony was the first to speak. “Well, will you look at that. I think Bruce and I will have to conduct further testing.”

**Author's Note:**

> In this universe, he doesn't win.  
> Confession time: I haven’t really watched any of the movies, so if anyone is really ooc, that’s why.


End file.
